“In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God…in him was life, and the life was the light of men. The light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not overcome it.” – excerpts from John 1:1-5
I love light. I love the night sky only because it allows me to see the luminous light of the stars and the moon, unnoticed during the daytime. But pure, unadulterated darkness can be pretty unnerving if you’ve ever experienced it.
My family and I visited Mammoth Caves in KY a couple years ago, where we hiked down into the bowels of the earth. Thankfully, someone had wired the place with electricity so the way was lit just enough to see the steel stairs and railing, though not enough to light the black abyss that was right beneath our feet. I confess heights have never been a favorite with me. Combining heights, darkness and a seven-year-old son, who in ecstasy was bounding down the stairs as fast as he could, was almost enough to put me over the edge…possibly literally.
 (can you tell which boy was wishing everyone was out of the way so he could be the first one down the stairs?)
 (our view over the railing, looking down)
After descending for several minutes we reached a ledge and were brought into a large room named ‘Grand Central station’, christened such because of it’s size and several tunnels which opened into this particular place. Once our group had arrived, (we had to go down the stairs single file) our guide turned off the lights. How do I describe the nothingness? It was complete oppression. Not a glow, not a gleam, not a shimmer could seep through the tons of rock that were above and all around us. I could hold my finger an inch in front of my face and not know it was there.
Suddenly there was no crowd (just moments before I was wishing they weren’t around anyway). Instead I was alone in the void. It was an incredibly isolating, helpless sensation. After what felt like forever our guide lit a match. Just one. And because our eyes had adjusted to the blackness, the glow from that little flame filled the entire cavern with enough light to see everything and everyone that was in there. (and I was very glad to see the group once again!) That one spark brought instant comfort, hope and relief. Darkness couldn’t overcome one little match.
The parallels to the advent season are clear:
“The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world…and the Word became flesh and dwelt among us…” - John 1:14
This Advent season let us take comfort that Light entered our darkness over 2000 years ago, arriving as a baby and bringing with him hope, peace, joy and love.
“O come, thou Dayspring, come and cheer
Our spirits by Thine advent here.
Disperse the gloomy clouds of night
And death’s dark shadows put to flight.
Rejoice! Rejoice!
Emmanuel has come to thee, O Israel.”
Come, Lord Jesus.
“My soul clings to the dust;
give me life according to your word!” - Psalm 119:25
Why in the world do I want to cling to dust? It’s dirty. It’s base. It’s low. It’s hard to hold and it’s horrible to breathe, but it’s familiar. It’s what I’ve known since the day I was born. There’s comfort in that. I crave security, and what I can touch on this earth, what I can smell, and taste; it gives me a sense of permanence and place. I cling in desperation and need to something that represents an enduring home.
But dust blows away. Like the song says, we’re just “dust in the wind “. Who knows when the wind will whip up and blow us here or there? It does not bring me life, it reminds me of death. Though I cling to it anyway, it is like sand in an hourglass that slips away in a steady stream. So I have a crisis of belief before me: Do I choose to live in denial and hang out in the dirt, hoping it will assuage my fears or do I choose to cry out to the Word who brings me life?
Life. When I hear that word I think of freedom, an invigorating air that fills me with strength and peace and joy. There is no desperation and no fear. There is no death. I want that. But how can something as intangible as God’s Word give me what my soul yearns for? Could it be that intangible Truth redefines the tangible world around me?
“All Scripture is breathed out by God…” – I Tim 3:16
I mentioned in my previous post that I finally learned to co-write with people and have found I really enjoy it. So, let me introduce you to another co-conspirator, (oops...I meant collaborator) on this project. 
Todd MacDonald
Todd and I met in MA at a songwriter’s group that I was facilitating several years ago. I will always remember it because there were about 20 of us sitting in a circle and he was the first one to be brave and share what he had written. After hearing his song, the rest of us were ready to pack up and go home or just listen to a Todd MacDonald concert! Todd’s style is heavily influenced by his favorite era…the 70’s. A classic singer/songwriter, Todd’s folk melodies, masterful guitar work and clarion voice stand out from the crowd. His lyrics paint beautiful pictures of his faith, drawing upon nature and emotion to bring it all home. But besides Todd’s giftedness, what I appreciate about him is his heart! Todd is like the brother I never had. He moved to Nashville shortly after we did and he quickly became part of the family, hanging out with us at least once a week (unless he had a hair appointment…far be it from me to come between a man and his hair.).
‘ Chase the Wind’ came about because Todd and I were jamming one night and he started playing a really cool lick on his guitar. Both our eyes lit up and we just ‘went with it’. He strummed while I came up with a melody to go along. We had no words, but we knew it was going to be a ‘moody song’. Later, when I knew the direction I was heading with this project, I came back to the music and filled in the gaps structurally and lyrically. This was one of those songs that was piece-mailed together, writing and rewriting it in three main sessions, several weeks apart. But I love the results!
Todd recently released his own project and is touring quite a bit right now. He continues to inspire me because this man is touring inbetween his chemo treatments. Todd was diagnosed with a rare form of cancer several months ago, but you would never know it if you met him. He doesn't complain about his pain, he is still his upbeat positive self and he is still singing away! You can learn more about him at the following websites:
www.myspace.com/toddmacdonald
www.toddmacdonaldmusic.com
One of the greatest joys for me in putting a CD project together is collaborating with so many other talented artists, musicians and writers. An independent project is anything but a solo work! The end product is a sum of many parts and I am a richer person and better musician and writer because I have had the privilege of working alongside these people.
Over the next few weeks as we gear up for the release of Redemption, I want to give you an insider’s view of some of the talented friends who’ve made these songs what they are. I’ll be highlighting different individuals each blog, showing how each was a vital part of making this project happen and giving you an idea of the recording process.
Starting at the very beginning… to have a great project you want to have great songs! I used to be somewhat selfish about writing… I didn’t want anyone else’s input or ideas infringing on what I considered ‘my territory’. Wow, was that a dumb way to operate! Living in the Nashville area for four years taught me that there are thousands of writers better than me and working with some of them means that I can actually glean some nuggets of wisdom and hope that their literary and musical prowess rubs off onto me a little bit.
My producer, Paul Buono, was key in setting up writing sessions for me. Paul and I met in the studio when I sang background vocals for a fellow artist’s CD project, which he was producing. That led to a couple more vocal recording sessions for other projects and soon writing sessions naturally flowed out of that connection.
Paul is a multifaceted musician and writer and has a great sense of song development. I came to Paul with a boatload of songs, which he listened to in order to glean a sense of my ‘Carrie Marshall style’. Some rose to the top like cream and others, well, dropped to the bottom like lead. (But for all you budding songwriters out there…there’s no wasted songs! Each one has a purpose and helps to develop craft, whether or not they are shared with the public.) Where I am strong melodically and lyrically, I can fall into a rut rhythmically. Paul’s strong guitar skills and knowledge of the commercial pop sound really compliment my strengths and fills the gap where I’m weak. Paul and I have thus far always been able to hammer out a song in a two-three hour writing session and I love the results! I leave each session knowing we created something that alone I could not do.
Besides being a co-writer on several songs on ‘Redemption’, Paul is also the producer, which means he’s been the glue that holds everything on this project together. What I have loved about Paul’s production style is that he is able to understand my artistic sense and personality and capture that musically. He has the wonderful way of bringing out the best in an artist, while helping to develop and grow their innate gifts.
Paul is currently working on several artists’ projects in addition to developing his love of electronica music, with his company Dreamlab. Which he cofounded with executive producer, Eric Nordoff.
There is no doubt that Paul has been a blessing to me as well as an integral part of this project! For more information on Paul or DreamLab, visit these websites:
www.myspace.com/paulbuono
www.clubdreamlab.com
Thanks, Paul!
Okay, so it's almost 1:00 p.m. on Thursday, I have to work in an hour, I'm still in my p.j.'s and still have no desire to get my butt into the shower. (don't worry if you're one of those I'm teaching this afternoon...I'll get there soon, I promise!) I don't know if it's jet lag or if I've just come back from my recent getaway to the Oregon coast too relaxed. If I was still in the northwest I could easily walk out the door in my fleece, sweats, no make-up, tangled hair and vibrant colored socks and no one would look at me funny. But I'm in North Carolina and that dress code doesn't apply here, so I conform to the social conventions expected. 
But before I go, I just had to share a couple pics from my trip because it was SOOO beautiful, with sunshine for five straight days! I didn't know that happened in Oregon... There's something very magical about mountains meeting the ocean, bonfires on a deserted beach and driftwood that can be collected to the hearts content. I can't wait to go back!
  
Okay, it's back to reality and off to the shower...
I'd love to hear your feedback on the lyrical changes for 'Come What May'. The film that I've adapted the lyrics for is called 'How It's Meant to Be' by Passion Entertainment. For a short time I'll have the song available right here to listen to via a podcast or download (don't forget to turn off the music player at the bottom of the screen, unless you want to hear me singing two songs at the same time...) I'd love to hear your thoughts!
STORY OVERVIEW: HOW IT'S MEANT TO BE is inspired by a true story about discovering the difference between falling in love and finding true love. Kevin Taylor and Jessica Bennett are a young couple in love who dream of sharing a lifetime together. Everything seems perfect, but where the fairy tale ends, the real world begins. Like all couples, Kevin and Jess begin to experience storms of life that test and strain their relationship. They believe in their hearts that their love is strong enough to endure, but are surrounded by struggling relationships, failing marriages and broken hearts. Faced with the reality that not all who start a life together finish a life together, Kevin and Jess become overwhelmed by their greatest fear - that their love won't last. Just as hope seems lost, they realize their dream can come true in the real world, as they discover how love is truly meant to be.
10 reasons why my husband drives me crazy…
- He makes me get out of bed when the alarm goes off in the morning.
- He makes me write a business plan to organize and detail my musical aspirations.
- He makes spreadsheets to help me know the bottom financial line for my aforesaid musical aspirations.
- He makes spreadsheets to itemize all the details that must be done in our household.
- He expects me to follow the spreadsheets.
- He has a plan for generally everything in life. If he realizes he doesn’t have a plan for something, he stops then and there and makes one.
- He expects me to have daily plans for generally everything in life, too.
- He likes to have the directions to a new location before we get into the car.
- He likes to follow the directions cited on the map to get to the new location while driving in the car, instead of exploring interesting byways off the beaten path.
- He doesn’t’ like to be on time for events, he likes to be early…sometimes by even 15 minutes.
10 Reasons Why I love my husband …
- He makes me get me out of bed, so I’m not late for appointments.
- He helps me get the kids ready so we’re not late for school, church, appointments, etc.
- He has no intuitive sense of direction, but still gets us places we need to go (early) because he got the written directions and a map beforehand.
- He makes me write business plans, so that as I follow my creative impulses I stay grounded.
- He believes in me and loves my music.
- He’s ORGANIZED! (You should see our garage.)
- He’s made me become more organized (generally speaking)
- He takes care of household paperwork and minutia (that I detest) without complaint.
- He makes lists for me so I don’t forget stuff.
- When I forget stuff anyway because I lost the list and didn’t follow it, he brings me the items I need even when it’s an inconvenience for him.
- He’s funny
- He’s creative
- He takes great care of me
- He’s affectionate
- He watches Pride and Prejudice with me when I’m having a bad day.
Okay, I guess that’s 15 reasons. There’s no particular reason for me to stop at 15, except that the plan for today is that I’m supposed to be writing a detailed business plan for my musical aspirations and my hubby gets home soon.
May your day be filled with love and respect for the people closest to you, who may drive you nuts sometimes, but whose strengths compliment your weaknesses!
Hey, All.
So I know I've been MIA all summer... moving out of state, working at a camp, living out of suitcases, dealing with family crises, welcoming a new neice and unpacking umpteen boxes has a way of knocking me for a loop. But I'm almost back to equilibrium!
More later!!!
North Carolina!! Somewhere north of Charlotte. Bruce and I head there in a couple days to run around like mad finding a house. We officially move by the end of June. Thanks to so many of you who've walked through this moving saga with us and listened, held my hand, gave me a glass of wine, fed me ice cream, etc. to help me take it one day at a time as we've waited in limbo land for several months.
We're excited to begin this new chapter in our lives and see what adventures await us. I'm excited to jump into a new music scene and yet still be close enough to Nashville to take advantage of what this unique area of the country offers. We have prayed long and hard about this decision and it has been confirmed in a several ways that makes us confident in our direction.
I'm hoping that after all the transition settles down I can return to my coffee addiction in NC without any ill effects. (see previous blogs) I got a green tea latte at Starbucks today... my first trip there in quite a while. All I can say is there's something wrong with drinking hot, dark green liquids. It looked like someone had put spinach in a blender and poured it into a coffee cup. The good news is that I'm saving a bundle of cash now that I'm not frequenting a coffeeshop every day.
So, as those of you on my mailing list know, we've sold our house. Today is the big day when the inspector comes to tell us everything that's wrong with it. We wait with baited breath in this market - it's not over until the fat lady sings...or in this case, the stressed lady signs the closing papers. We are fairly calm, but hoping all goes smoothly and that nothing castastrophic shows up that would scare away our buyers.
Meanwhile, I'm sitting here right now totally missing my java...my Dr. told me about a month or so ago to quit drinking coffee (even decaf) because of some annoying condition called acid reflux...he tried to scare me by telling stories about ruining my voice, burning the lining of the esophagus which can lead to cancer, blah, blah, blah... Does he know what he's asking?? My entire life ritual begins by stumbling out of bed and heading straight for the coffeepot. Just a few sips and the world is a much happier place! Tell me, what motivates you to get out of bed in the morning, because herbal tea is just not cutting it for me.
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April 21, 2008
Okay...so it's been a little while since I've journaled...I just wanted you all to get the feel for what my actual journals look like. It's a lot like this - a couple entries, not too far apart in the time/space continum...and then nothing. Just a fancy book filled with blank pages. My husband asked me recently why I keep a journal if I never write in it. I thought that was a valid question, so here goes...another attempt at taking the time to write all the whirling thoughts in my head down on a paper...or a screen...you know what I mean. So with my first (re)attempt at journaling, I'm going to try not to sabatoge myself by feeling the need to capture all my thoughts. It would take forever, and be quite a discouragement for being a consistent journaler (not to mention a discouragement from anyone actually reading it.).
So today my one thought I wanted to share was a big thank you to Wally Nason of Nason Music Group for inviting me to participate at a GMA showcase today at the Rutledge. I had a great time, met lots of new people and felt very affirmed in the direction that my new music is taking. It's been a while since I've taken the stage as an 'artist' singing songs that really reflect part of who I am. I've spent much of my four years here in Nashville in the songwriter track, honing the craft and trying new songs out on unsuspecting audiences at cafes/clubs all across town. But the songs I shared today are more of a reflection of who I am as an artist...lyrics that really matter to me and music that stylistically I relate to. And it felt really good...I can't wait to do it again!
June 4, 2007
The True Shoe Story (the inspiration behind 'Walk In These Shoes")
So it happened again…I made another really dumb shoe purchase. You can’t blame me for not trying…I really thought this time I did it right. I put those shoes through a myriad of tests. I shopped with six other shoe saavy girlfriends and brought each of them in to get their opinion. I clomped around the store several times to be sure they were comfortable. I endured the snobby shoe saleswoman’s contempt as I deliberated my purchase. I inspected. I poked. I prodded. I left the store two times and then came back. And then I bought them…absolutely the most money I’ve ever spent on shoes in my life. But with a track record of wearing the same pair for eight years, I felt completely justified.
That was until I actually wore them outside the store. What was my downfall? The heels…all four inches of them…even if it was a wedge heel which greatly reduces the risk of ankle sprains and unexpected sprawls on the sidewalk. I’ve decided that a 5’9” person does not need to breathe in the air at that stratosphere. And I never noticed that most of the people in this world are under six feet tall until I towered over them at the airport, clanking around like the ghost of Jacob Marley (there were chains on the shoes that made a lot of noise…the salesperson assured me in the most haughty way that I could superglue them to the fabric if it bothered me).
By the time I returned to Nashville, got my bags and lugged them to the farthest end of the long-term parking lot, I truly thought my feet would be deformed forever. After a week, my back is starting to feel like it’s old self again, and my flip flops have never felt so good. My only consolation in this whole ordeal is that I love the song that I wrote about it with a friend of mine. It reminds me to laugh at myself and stay true to my ‘inner-granola’ personality. As my best friend from Seattle tells me, I’d fit right in with my Berkenstocks and Tivas in the Northwest.
March 27, 2007
I turned 36 yesterday. A milestone I had been dreading because it means that I’m now officially closer to 40 than I am to 30. And even though everyone tells me ’40 is the new 30’, it makes no difference because I still remember being a teenager when my mom turned 40 and thinking how OLD she was!! (sorry, Mom) To celebrate my day (since my husband was celebrating in his own way by deep sea fishing somewhere off the coast of Hiltonhead island...It was not his fault…his company made him do it.) I decided to go shopping.
Now contrary to the stereotypes of my sex, I’ve never been a great shopper. I read in a magazine somewhere that women are especially tuned in to handbags and shoes. That statement really makes me feel like I don’t fit in with womankind because I’ve always hated buying handbags and shoes. Don’t get me wrong, I like looking pretty and fashionable as any average woman…it’s just the plethora of choices and the time it takes to make the right one that puts me over the edge. My favorite boots are the hand-me-downs that my sister gave me eight years ago. My favorite sandals (dare I admit this) are ones I bought on clearance at a Building 19 warehouse for $6 about six or seven years ago. Since I model part time, it’s expected that I keep up with the latest trends. This means that I have to occasionally go out and buy the most uncomfortable, pointy poky heels and practice walking in them without looking like I’m in pain or about to fall. But I’m thankful I can write these purchases off on my taxes, since I still go back to my old, worn-out favorites for everyday use.
Yesterday on my big shopping spree, I decided it was high time I bought myself a new handbag. One that wasn’t too big and wasn’t too small. One that was trendy, but not over the top. One that made me feel young without being too youthful. I went to the store, reviewed my options and selected a nice beige bag with darker beige trim and nice detailing. I plunked down my money…more money than I’ve ever spent on a handbag in my life, but hey, it was my birthday and my husband was deep sea fishing. If ever there was a good time to do it, it was then.
My new bag made me feel alive! I was feeling kinship with all the experienced shoppers in the world! I decided, why stop there? I need new sandals. Sandals that are trendy but comfortable…sandals that wouldn’t cause other women to whisper to their friends and point if they saw me walking down the street. I tried on every pair of brown and black sandals in the store. I agonized and then selected what I thought fit the bill, forgoing the totally comfortable but unfortunately ugly “Born’s (the o is supposed to have a slash through it) and went with a more stylish option.
Well, today the truth is staring me in the face: both my purchases were a mistake. My fashionable sandals had one strap that wanted to carve it's own niche into my toe and they slippery to boot (hey, like the pun? Didn’t plan that one.) A slight heel and slippery is just a disaster waiting to happen. My stylish handbag looks pretty frumpy without all the paper stuffing inside of it. It can’t even sit upright unless I decide to pack for a weekend away. What was I thinking? Guess the old adage is true…you can’t teach an old dog new tricks. I’ve decided that at age 36, I’m still okay with my sister’s hand me downs and $6 sandals! Guess someone better call the fashion police!
February 5th, 2007
Snow days and Sickness
Well, these past few days have been very ‘de ja vous’ sort of days. With all three of my children now in school full time, I transitioned last fall into an ‘working mom’ kind of lifestyle after eight years of being home (I have a part time job as a children’s music director, as well as working some free lance modeling jobs to help pay for my musical endeavors.) Mommy working was a slight shock to all the family directly affected. This of course, was not helped in the least by deciding to get a puppy in the midst of this lifestyle shift, but we have finally established a new sort of rhythm to our family routines. And I’m discovering the wonders of the crock pot for having a variety of dinners other than Kraft mac and cheese or chicken nuggets (always a safe standby for my picky eaters).
But I have to say, this past week was a pleasant reminder of the ‘good ol’ days’. The weather turned bitterly cold and we even had a snow day (of course, in TN this just means that we had about an inch and a half, but it actually stuck to the roads and there are still patches of white to be found four days after the fact). All three kids came down first with colds (which they happily shared with me) and then two out of the three proceeded to get the flu. All of a sudden, I had to cancel all my meetings and obligations. My days became surrounded once again with making soup and muffins, dispensing medication, wiping little noses, catching up on all the laundry (which I don’t think I’ve been caught up since September) and hanging out all day in my sweats with no make-up and a ponytail. When this was my life everyday, how I yearned to get out in the grown up world! Now that I’m in that world every day, how glorious it was to step out of it and just be with my kids and catch up on a few Dora the Explorer episodes…even if it meant we had to have sniffles and sore throats to do it.
12/8/06
Nothing ushers in the Christmas season like a children’s pageant and nativity. This season I had the privilege (and the daunting task) of organizing our children’s Christmas event, called Carols and Cocoa at my church. Imagine bringing together on one stage about 18 wiggly preschool angels, 40 elementary aged children, shepherds, wise men, Mary Joseph, and a live baby Jesus (with a baby doll back up waiting off-stage just in case). We had narrators, soloists, musicians, an advent wreath and candles. Throw in some straw, hay bales, several mangled looking Christmas trees (which we thought gave our forest a ‘natural’ look) and a manger and the picture is complete. Needless to say, there were lots of details to oversee. And frankly, I’ve never been known for my organizational skills. I did a lot of praying and fretting over this program!
Miraculously, it came together. (why should I be surprised?). The evening was beautiful, the children sang gloriously and the live nativity was a gorgeous picture of our Immanuel, God with us, who was born in a humble stable amid smelly animals. And God showed up in an unusual way that evening. At the pinnacle of the program, with a soloist singing “O Wondrous Night”, the keyboard I was playing suddenly lost all power. I looked helplessly at the soloist. There was nothing I could do; no other accompanying instruments knew the song or had the music to jump in and pitch hit for me. The beautiful young girl glanced briefly at me, faced the blinding lights that bore down on her and sang her heart out as if nothing unusual had happened at all. It was the most moving aspect of the evening, there were tears in the eyes of some audience members and God whispered to me… “Carrie, you were worried about so many details and petty things. In your desire to do things ‘right’, you get in my way. I don’t need you to bring glory to myself.”
If America was going to usher in a grand and stately King of Kings, we would certainly do up it right. We have the glitz, the glamour and the money to drop in order to impress the world, ourselves and the one who was coming with our stylish worship of icons and important people. Jesus didn’t want the red carpet, impressive publicity stunts or the media circus. He didn’t want perfectly executed programs with smoke machines and impressive lighting displays, the pomp and pageantry. He came quietly and he lived in humility. And last Sunday, He reminded me that I need to do the same.
“The Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us. We have seen his glory, the glory of the Once and Only, who came from the Father, full of grace and truth.” John 1:14
COME WHAT MAY
This song, also written a couple of years ago, never ceases to get an intense reaction from audiences. Simplistic in style, the sentiment resonates with many. The bottom line is, we all want to be loved and accepted. We look to one another, whether rightfully or not, to fill that need. Especially in a marriage relationship, we enter in with high hopes and expectations that our lover and soulmate will accept us no matter what. Reality is, even with the best of intentions, we are human. We may try our hardest, yet we will still fall short. Unchecked, misunderstandings, selfishness and hurt feelings build such walls of bitterness and resentment between two people that the seemingly only resolution is to sever the tie. As I look at my own married life and the close encounter with divorce that my husband and I experienced several years ago, I recognize that it was only by God’s grace that He allowed us to peel back the layers of hurt and rejection to get to the root of our issues. In doing so, I could remember once again how my husband 'made me sing’…
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